Winter Break- How I Love Thee!

The glory of sleeping till 10! How amazing to have nothing to do!

Right.

I've been going in to school just about every day to get work done (but the sleeping-in is nice). It's a constant battle to stay afloat/get ahead. It's nice to sit at my desk in peace and quiet. I am able to get so much accomplished, though still procrastinating on the stack of 40 research papers in front of me...

I have also been using my break to prepare for what lies ahead. A few posts back, though forever-ago, I mentioned how my position had opened up permanently. I did not get the job, which was pretty heartbreaking. However, through a stroke of luck (or perhaps a little help from my supervisor's contacts), I've gotten another long-term sub position at a neighboring district. My supervisor was very sympathetic to my feelings on not getting the job and said she'd do anything to help me get another job, even if she couldn't offer me one. In one way, it feels like they're kicking me out. Like, "If I'm soooo good that you'd recommend me so highly, why aren't I good enough to work here?" I suppose sometimes there's more to it than that... and I'm pretty sure some networking of administrators led to the random call about this new position, for which I'm of course grateful.

It's going to be very different and I'm totally rejecting the idea of leaving my kids. But I'm trying to view it as good experience. I will have the opportunity to do block scheduling, work in a more urban environment, teach Hamlet (yikes!), and work with 12th graders again which will be completely different from the 9th grade maturity level I've been dealing with! I'm depressed to be on the interview circuit again this summer, but I figure I was making it to second-round interviews last year having no experience, so this year should lead to a contract... hopefully in my current district.

It's kind of nice to have the opportunity to "start over" as well. Because they are on block scheduling, the first day of the new semester, my first day will be the first day my students are in that class. So it's not really like I'm replacing someone in their minds. I will have the chance to do things better than I did last time, now that I know what worked well and what didn't. They say that those first days are the most important, and I've really come to accept that as truth. I've often thought "If only I could start over with these kids, things might be going better..."

Gosh, thinking about all the experiences I've had that I didn't have the chance to blog about: homebound instruction, parent conferences (the one who said I was disrespectful for calling her "ma'am"!!) , the student who was ecstatic upon seeing me at his chorus concert... 2008 has really been a whirlwind for me.

Last year at this time I was so terrified to begin student teaching. I didn't know how I'd do it, if I'd like it or if I'd really be any good at it. This time of year always brings about instrospection and I find myself being asked the question "Did you change at all this year?" For the first time, I think I can definitely say I have. Now I see myself as a teacher, instead of feeling like I'm playing a part. I may not know how the heck I'm going to teach Hamlet, but I know I can do it.




P.S. I found this neat resource today through NEA Today magazine: http://www.classroom20.com It's a social networking site like myspace or facebook, designed specifically for interaction among teachers. I don't know anyone on there, so the profile commenting is pretty useless right now, but they have some awesome forums. I've been reading all kinds of collaborative discussion between teachers of all grade (and university!) levels. Really cool, check it out! (Oh yeah and leave me a comment when you do, 'cause my page looks all lonely)

Hello from Study Hall

It has once again been a while since I blogged. Day by day, we are getting through, with not much time for anything except keeping my head above water. I am actually writing this in study hall because the servers are down and I have nothing else with me to do.

Some things I’ve been noticing:

- Weeks with early dismissals or days off are complete nightmares. The kids are bouncing off the walls and nothing gets accomplished. It’s like they have to have their structure in order to even feel like they’re in school. Any time that structure is broken, it’s play time to them.

- The more I work with High School students who are involved in sports and activities, the more I realize that certain types of students are drawn to certain activities. For example, my students who are on the Golf Team are absolute dream-students. I guess maybe because Golf requires a serious, individual mindset, those are the types of students who play it. My two best, most thoughtful, considerate and conscientious students are both on the Golf Team, and it’s just interesting because I never thought of it that way before. I say we should have more Golfers in the world!

- I had the experience of prepping sub plans for the first time last week. My grandmother passed away and I had to take a day off for the funeral. It was hard to leave my kids in the charge of someone else for the day. I was first concerned that I gave her detailed enough instructions and probably went a bit overboard on that part. All day, though, I was stressed out wondering what was going on at school, how my students were treating the sub, etc. It all worked out okay, but you know me, worry worry worry.

- I had a really, really good experience connecting with my 10^th graders last week. We were reading Of Mice and Men and we were just at the part where Candy’s dog is getting killer and so it was the logical time to discuss the theme of euthanasia. It was an interesting coincidence that my grandmother died at the same time because she had been sick for a very long time. When the students came in that day, I asked them to journal their thoughts on “mercy killing” and we talked about some of them for a few minutes. The mood was somber from the minute they entered the classroom and saw the topic. As our discussion progressed, I brought up my story of how I was seeing the theme applied to my real life: when someone is suffering, is it better to just let them go? You could have heard a pin drop in the room. I’m not sure what it was, but me and my classes connected that day. They opened up and talked on an entirely different level. It was really amazing, I wish someone had been observing that day! One of my students actually came up to me later in the afternoon and said it was the best class we had all year. I asked the students the next day what it was that went so well. They were all really positive and said they think just having personal stories and opinions helped to open us all up to each other. I had tried to get them to talk that way before, but it hadn’t worked as well. I wish I could bottle that up and use it on a daily basis!

- Speaking of observations, I have my first formal one next week! One of our assistant principals (there’s 5 of them!) is coming in during my 10^th period class to observe our intro activity to “Death of a Salesman” (convenient, I know). I’m relieved that I’m doing yet another unit with which I’m already familiar. But dreading the day when I’m going to have to move on to material which I don’t know as well!

On Blogging

This Thursday is our first professional development day. I have been asked/volunteered to teach 3 training sessions on blogging that day!! I have about 40 students consisting of other teachers, guidance counselors and employees of the local I.U. I figure this is a good opportunity for me to present myself as a tech-savvy teacher who would be a good permanent asset to their building, haha. It's of course a lot of pressure too. I'm supposed to teach a mini 15 minute lesson on getting set up in the website/basics, and then have about half an hour for them to explore and create their own blogs. The hard part about all this is that the school blocks all blogs through their filter. They have chosen a site, www.edublogs.org, specifically for use by teachers. After playing with it a bit for a few weeks, I've found it to be sort of clunky: hard to maneuver, site not responding, etc. I hope it works on Thursday so I can show what I need to! Naturally, I am terrified, and hoping it goes well because I don't want to look like an idiot in front of all those teachers.

Day by day, I'm getting through my weeks. Some are good, some are bad. As the time goes by, I'm getting a lot more of the in-between ones, and the bad are less frequent. I am at school late just about every night, but at least that makes me feel more prepared for the next day. I'm beginning to deal with some anxious parents. I won't go into detail on here publicly, but it is certainly a learning experience figuring out what to say to them.

Fortunately, because of my desk in the staff room, there are a lot of teachers around to lend an ear and some advice when I need it. This is something I've had to adjust to. It is nice having some folks around when necessary, but trying to prep amidst so much excitement is tough (that's why I value my after-school and Saturday morning time). As with any workplace, when people gather together, the topics of discussion are not always the most positive. I haven't found negativity to be a huge problem, but there are some days I honestly just have to put on my headphones. I have made friends with some of the girls who are also young English teachers, and they have been providing camaraderie and generally being a huge help in every way. I don't know what I'd do without them. The girls understand what I'm going through because most of them were in my shoes just a year or two ago. I do value the advice of older and more experienced teachers, but some of them tend to be negative without meaning to, and I can't afford to be brought down. I need every last ounce of positivity I can muster. Mostly I spend my lunch hour at my desk working, or just catching up on the news or reading a book. At the risk of seeming anti-social, I just don't want to get into the mix of lunch-table gossip and complaining.

Some good news

I found out today that the one-semester position I'm currently in has just opened up to be full-time contracted starting in January. Apparently some people prefer being a mom... not me. At least not any time soon! So this is exciting for me. It means that I automatically get sent to the final-step of the interview process for the position. This probably won't happen until sometime in November or December, but it's something to be looking forward to. It's a lot of pressure though. I'm already completely stressed about making a good impression and doing everything perfectly.

Needless to say, I'm making a lot of mistakes. I'm mostly trying to not get too down about them, instead adapting and learning. My direct supervisor has been wonderful and supportive. She told me today that I should make sure to invite different administrators to observe me, so that when my interview comes around, I have as many allies around the table as possible.

I'm a terrible blogger

So they warn you that your first year of teaching is going to be absolutely insane.... and they're right. I feel stressed all the time. Not like a "oh my god, I can't handle it" kind of stress, more along the lines of "I just have to keep going and going, and oh my god, what am I going to do tomorrow with my 10th graders tomorrow" kind of stress (if that makes any sense). It is very much like student teaching in that there are ups and downs. Some days you walk out of there feeling on top of the world and other days you're wondering how on earth they ever gave you a teaching degree to begin with. Perhaps I'm being melodramatic, but I think these varying emotions go along with the territory.

So much is happening every day and often I think that I should blog about it, but inevitably the grading comes first, the planning comes first, the paperwork comes first, then it's shower and bedtime, so I can start it all over... never having said what I wanted to say anyhow.

However, one thing that has stuck out in my head is my transformation over the last couple of weeks to actually seeing myself as being in charge. It's a fine distinction, I think. It came about as a result of having an administrator pop in to do an informal observation during my rowdiest class... on a Friday.... with a below-top-notch lesson plan. I knew it was a less than perfect thing for her to see, but I embraced the opportunity so she could help me get better. She and I sat down and she gave me a few very concrete suggestions which I immediately put into practice. They were not things I didn't already know, but things that I wasn't doing because I was so busy worrying about "everything else." Since then, I have become much more assertive and I have seen results almost immediately.

First, I walk around constantly... even if it means turning the board-writing duties over to a responsible student. I didn't think I'd be able to maneuver my way between the desks, but I nudge bookbags out of my way and surf the aisles in every class. As soon as I started doing this, the chatter during class was minimized. I even put it to use during study hall and it works wonders. It kind of sucks because I can't get any work done, but just the fact that I'm moving around makes a huge difference. They know that I can be by them at any moment, so they stay on task. This one, I think, has been my biggest "trick" that I've learned. It has worked wonders for me... and it's so simple! Why didn't I think of that to begin with??

Second, I make eye contact. Especially in study hall, this has worked. I look everywhere, constantly. If students are doing something wrong, they know it and they watch me to see if I'm looking.... inevitably, I am, so they eventually get annoyed at having to watch me, and they stop. Simply by making eye contact and letting them know "yes, I see what you're doing and I don't like it," I am able to eliminate many problems.

Third, simply being more assertive. The first couple weeks I was hesitant and tentative, I think. At least that's how I viewed myself. I was scared of not knowing who was who, or who might give me a hard time. I was scared of how they would react if I was "too mean." Now, I'm perfectly comfortable calling them out and saying "Look, if you can't sit next to your friend without talking, we're gonna move your seat for today in order to help you out. Next time you can try again to follow the study hall rules." I actually got complimented by the Orchestra Director today for how well behaved my study hall was in the band room. She said it looked like I ran a "tight ship." That made me feel good.

Mostly, it feels good to have taken some suggestions that my administrator gave me, and put them into action so that next time she observes me, she will see them. I'm also glad they have solved some of my management problems. I remember when I was student teaching, Mrs. R was working on my eval and she said "Sandy, I don't really have anything more to teach you. You have done an outstanding job, and you're going to be great. The only thing I think is that you're going to have some management problems when you start off, you're going to be too lenient and not see yourself as taking charge, but you'll quickly figure it out, make the necessary changes and you will feel better." It's really nice to think back to her saying that and know she was absolutely right.

The terror of Parents' Night, and other tales

I have officially made it through one whole week "cycle." It's been slightly rough-going, but I guess that is to be expected. For the most part, things have been going well. My 10th graders are absolutely wonderful and bright. My 9th graders on the other hand... well, they're a handful to say the least. Actually, that's not a very accurate description. A handful of them are a handful.

I've been working with my difficult class to make some adjustments. We got a new seating chart, and reviewed the rules and consequences. Since that time, I've been giving official "warnings." Students know very clearly that they get two warnings before a call home or an after school detention with me. They are testing me now, and I'm being very careful to follow through on my stated discipline plan. My most difficult student, I think, is going to end up making himself be an example for all of his buddies, and that should work the problem out. Today I asked the entire class to do an exit-slip procedure to give me suggestions of what we can do to improve the class atmosphere. I did so calmly and explained that I really wanted their input and suggestions. I received a few decent ideas, and I definitely plan on implementing them in the next few days.

I had an experience today in how I read things differently than teenagers. My 10th graders read Chopin's "Story of an Hour" for homework. As a reading quiz today, I asked them one question: "What was Mrs. Mallard's reaction upon learning of her husband's death?" I thought this a simple question, easily understood simply from reading the story. When I read that story, I immediately comprehended the fact that she was immediately relieved over her newfound freedom, and passed away at the end when that was suddenly taken away by his re-appearance. I learned based on their quiz responses, that this fact was not so easily apparent to my students, though they are very bright. I could tell they did the reading based on their responses, but they didn't "get it." Which is actually a very good thing, because now I know we need to spend time talking about it, while I otherwise would've made the assumption that they did. It's obviously a difference between my more mature and lit-trained mind, and their literal ones. It was a very good learning experience for me.

Tomorrow is parents' night and of course, it's intimidating. We hear horror stories of how overbearing some of the parents in this district can be. They are very involved in their children's lives, which is a good thing... but can be a major headache for teachers when some of them get a little over-anxious. I'm getting prepped, and ready to explain the syllabus/expectations/etc.

I hope this was coherent. In an effort to quell the enormous stress, I've become addicted to junk-tv (new 90210!!) and I've been typing this as I watch. Anything that allows my mind to rest for an hour a day is becoming my sanity-saver...

Surviving

Well, my first day went really well. I was worried about not having enough material, but it turned out to be the perfect amount. I had an extra journaling idea lined up just in case, but of course we got nowhere near needing it.

Today, the second, was a little rougher. Students were giving their bag-presentations today and I found two very different reactions throughout the day. During some periods, the students were so quiet, barely talked during their presentations, or in showing interest in their classmates. Other classes were so rowdy that just getting through the presentations was a task (i.e. they took my direction to "ask each other about their items" way too seriously, and asked ridiculous and pointless questions just to be silly).

I'm going to have a big problem with one particular class of 9th graders. They are delightful and vibrant, but have no concept of being able to calm down. There are a few very strong personalities in the class, and it is 85% boys. They get so riled up, which in some instances is okay, but then trying to get them back on task is impossible. I can't even move their seats to separate them because there aren't enough girls to do so. I'm going to make an effort to harness and stop this behavior immediately, by having an individual silent activity in place for tomorrow. I can't let them get the attitude that our class is always going to be rowdy and fun, because I can already see they're driving the girls nuts. They're funny, but... just too much. I was trying to think if it was something about the way I presented myself or my rules on the first day to give these kids the wrong impression, but I did the same thing every period and the others are fine. I think this one particular class is just a different kind of group.

The other problem with today is that we completed bag-presentations much quicker than I had anticipated. Therefore, I had to come up with something to do tomorrow. I don't want anything too major because we still have a few bag-presentations/intro activities to complete, and because the next week is pretty broken up by various school things (picture day, library orientation). I think with the 9th graders I'm going to have them do a journaling activity so I can see their writing skills, and also as a way to get them into "class mode." With the 10th graders, I'm going to begin with background information on the history of America in 1850-1900, Naturalism and Jack London. We're going to read part of "To Build a Fire" in class and they will finish it over the weekend. I think that's a torturous story to start off with, but that's the curriculum... I think after reading London, I'm going to use some Stephen Crane poetry to reiterate the basic beliefs of Naturalists, but to show that not all of them have to be as dry and lengthy as London.

I feel unprepared for tomorrow. I spent most of tonight just talking with my Lit-major roommate about the topics, just to get myself thinking of things to talk about and jotting notes. I have a general idea of what I want to do, but not nearly as fleshed out as I usually do. I hope it goes well... I hate feeling so disorganized, but I can't make definite plans for anything because our schedule changes so rapidly based on interruptions, how far we get, etc. I feel like, after being such a planner, teaching day-in day-out is going to teach me how to better be flexible and sort of "go with it" in a little less anal-retentive manner...

Completely terrfied

I've been trying to bargain with time over the past two weeks, trying to get it to stop, but no such luck, tomorrow is almost here. This is so much more terrifying than the night before student teaching. At that point, I knew that I'd be spending my first week observing, but in about 9 hours, I'm going to be center stage, on the tightrope without a pole to help me balance.

My syllabi are all ready, as are my seating charts, class rules and expectations. I plan on spending tomorrow's class period handing out and going over those, handing out vocab books. The rest of the period I'm going to spend on community building stuff. First, I'm going to have students fill out inf0-cards for me with their contact information, etc. I'm also going to ask them to briefly answer two questions on their card: What do you like to read? (anything... from cereal boxes, to comic books, to newspapers, to Stephen King) and What kind of music do you like to listen to? I thought those two questions would help me to understand each student just a little bit, so that I can get a feel for what types of material each may respond to. Then after I collect the cards, I'm going to introduce our real community building activity which will be bag-presentations. Dr. Richards had us do them at the beginning of our Classroom Management semester, and I thought they were a really great way for us to get to know each other. So I am taking in 5 items in a bag that will allow me to introduce myself as a person to the students (favorite book, a souvenir from a vacation, my RENT poster, lol). This will model the process for them, and they will be asked to bring in 3-5 things for their bag presentations the following day (I anticipate it will take us two days to get through everyone, with about 2 minutes for each student). I hope this goes over well. I have doubts about their enthusiasm, but it should get the students up and speaking and listening to each other (standards based, you know!).

I'm mostly scared that I won't have enough to get us through 44 minutes and I'll have like 10 left and not know what to do. I think if that happens, I will just have them write a first journal entry. Or we can do some other name-game kind of thing. I don't know. I hope it all works without me looking too much like an idiot, or too outwardly nervous.

One thing that happened last week that I forgot to write about. On Thursday, I received notice of my students with IEP's. Instead of giving us the full length document (which we can access electronically), each learning support teacher gave each regular teacher an abbreviated sheet for each student. It lists their strengths, their weaknesses and their necessary adaptations. It's a of information when you have 10-12 students with special needs, I feel like I'm never going to remember everything I need to do for these kids. I did notice right away, however, that many of the adaptations (just like our profs told us) are simply just "good teaching" practices, things we should be in the habit of doing to help all students, not just those with adaptations. For example, one of those was, for a hearing impaired student, make sure you always repeat any questions or answers given by other students in the class so he can hear them: something easy that I really just need to get into the habit of in general. I'm still scared though that I'm not going to remember to do all these things, with so much else going on and stressing me out. Many of them had "preferential seating" as a requirement, so I had to go back and re-do all of my seating charts to make sure these kids were in the front. Just something I encountered last week that sort of threw me for a loop. Not that I wasn't expecting to have IEP's and such, but it sort of hit me amongst all the other prep-stuff that was overwhelming and it just added to the pile of panic and things to worry about.

Well, I'm off to bed for an attempted few hours of sleep. I will report back from the other end of the battlefield when it's all over...

In Service Week

After a whole 6 days of being the center of attention at New Teacher Orientation, all of a sudden we are just a few fish in a very crowded pond! There are so many teachers, it's unbelievable. Everyone seems to be at least small-talk-friendly, but not really a "hey, why don't you come to lunch with us?" kind of friendly. There are definitely cliques, but I guess the good thing about a big school is that ultimately I suppose I will find someone I can tag along with.

I met my mentor, as well as several of the English teachers in my very large department. Many of them are very young as well, and have only been teaching for a few years. That is refreshing to see, because it means they are very sympathetic to my position. One of the girls came over to my desk yesterday and gave me a printout of the units they taught last year, in order, and how much time was spent on each. Mr. Mentor is nice enough, but I think sort of old-school (I'm getting flashbacks of my Block 2 Observation experience). He is certainly willing to answer any questions, and help me with anything I ask for specifically, but he doesn't seem like the type who will continuously check up on and go over things with me on his own. I've only had a few brief conversations with him in the past few days. In a way, I would be more comfortable with a mentor who was a bit more... "motherly," I guess... but this just means I have to work a little harder to do it on my own, and to prove that I can do it on my own.

I'm so excited to see this school embracing technology the way it is. They have a school wiki which has all kinds of information on it for teachers. I've created my own teacher wiki to use as an easy web page reference for my students until I can figure out how the freakin' Mac programs work to create a real one. I swear, I can't find anything on that computer, and I'm so tired of everyone saying "You'll love it once you get used to it!"

I'm ready for my long weekend, but that just means next Tuesday will come around even quicker.

New Teacher Orientation

Well, I kind of said this in the little blurb on the side, but I'll write it here too, in order to explain who I am and what I'm doing here. I am a first-year teacher at a HUGE rural-suburban high school. I just graduated with my teaching certification in May, and am extremely lucky to have gotten a position in this particular district. I am going to keep this blog as a professional development/sanity saving tool. I kept a journal during student teaching and found it to be tremendously helpful on two levels. First, simply to have a space to anonymously vent about whatever I need to get out... Second, to keep a record of my experiences so I can learn from them. I suspect the next couple of years are going to be somewhat tumultuous and it would certainly help to remember what happened so I can learn from it: to be able to return to my thoughts and reflect at a later date.

As I said, I've just gone through my first week of New Teacher Orientation at school. In an effort to create anonymity, I will call it Huge High. You think I'm kidding! This school is bigger than anything I've ever seen. Actually, I haven't even seen it, I've only been on a tour of half the building because it took so long. Sometime in the next week I will have to venture out of my comfort zone and into the other half so I know where I'll need to go to cover my study halls. I have only ever attended or taught in small schools. My high school was about 500 students, my first college was only about 1500, then the two schools I taught at were 900 and 700 respectively (and that 700 consisted of grades 7-12!!). So to be in a building that has over 200 teachers alone... and 3200 students under one roof... well, it's a little overwhelming and it hasn't even been filled with kids yet!

I discovered very quickly how amazing it is that I was even hired. When I found out I had this interview, I discovered that my interview was one of only three chosen from a file drawer of applicants about 2 feet deep. Everyone in the orientation group (at the high school anyhow) has either transferred from another district or already been teaching as a sub in this school. I am officially the only one who was hired "straight out of the box." So on one hand, it's wonderful that I'm being given this opportunity, and I am eternally grateful. On the other, it's terrifying that I'm being given such high expectations. The bar is set really high here, and I'm not secure enough in my abilities to feel completely comfortable. As I said to someone today: "I don't know how I'm going to survive the next two weeks... I'm pretty sure something catastrophic is going to happen."

After the first week of orientation, I feel like I haven't gotten very far in my planning for the school year ahead. We spent the week getting acquainted with the district and the school, but as far as any lesson or activity preparation, I've done nothing. I haven't met my mentor yet, that comes this week, and I wanted to be sure to talk to him before I get too deep into the planning phase. There are just so many questions and I'd really like to talk with him before I go into this blindly. So far I've gotten my desk a bit settled. I don't have a classroom, my desk is in an office/faculty lounge, which I'm sure I'll be discussing in greater detail later. I've taken in some personal and desk-y items, and have a whole list of stuff I need to take in next week, because I won't be able to function till I have a space that is truly "me!" I've been trying to create a website, but can't figure out enough Mac-basics to get very far (grrrrrr) on my school computer. Oh yeah and I was all proud I did my seating charts, only to discover I created them in Training-Mode on the database, so none of them are saved and I have to start over....

Only other thing I have to report is meeting people. I've met an absolutely amazing role-model English teacher who I'm sure is going to be on speed-dial. She is a tech-goddess!! I'm going to drive the poor girl nuts, I'm so glad to have met her already. And I met a very nice math teacher whose desk is a few over from mine. Hallelujah for people who are friendly and assertive enough to introduce themselves!! Not everyone has been super-friendly, but I'd say a majority of the administrators/other teachers have at least been cordial, which is something I was worried about in this notoriously clique-y district.