I'm a terrible blogger

So they warn you that your first year of teaching is going to be absolutely insane.... and they're right. I feel stressed all the time. Not like a "oh my god, I can't handle it" kind of stress, more along the lines of "I just have to keep going and going, and oh my god, what am I going to do tomorrow with my 10th graders tomorrow" kind of stress (if that makes any sense). It is very much like student teaching in that there are ups and downs. Some days you walk out of there feeling on top of the world and other days you're wondering how on earth they ever gave you a teaching degree to begin with. Perhaps I'm being melodramatic, but I think these varying emotions go along with the territory.

So much is happening every day and often I think that I should blog about it, but inevitably the grading comes first, the planning comes first, the paperwork comes first, then it's shower and bedtime, so I can start it all over... never having said what I wanted to say anyhow.

However, one thing that has stuck out in my head is my transformation over the last couple of weeks to actually seeing myself as being in charge. It's a fine distinction, I think. It came about as a result of having an administrator pop in to do an informal observation during my rowdiest class... on a Friday.... with a below-top-notch lesson plan. I knew it was a less than perfect thing for her to see, but I embraced the opportunity so she could help me get better. She and I sat down and she gave me a few very concrete suggestions which I immediately put into practice. They were not things I didn't already know, but things that I wasn't doing because I was so busy worrying about "everything else." Since then, I have become much more assertive and I have seen results almost immediately.

First, I walk around constantly... even if it means turning the board-writing duties over to a responsible student. I didn't think I'd be able to maneuver my way between the desks, but I nudge bookbags out of my way and surf the aisles in every class. As soon as I started doing this, the chatter during class was minimized. I even put it to use during study hall and it works wonders. It kind of sucks because I can't get any work done, but just the fact that I'm moving around makes a huge difference. They know that I can be by them at any moment, so they stay on task. This one, I think, has been my biggest "trick" that I've learned. It has worked wonders for me... and it's so simple! Why didn't I think of that to begin with??

Second, I make eye contact. Especially in study hall, this has worked. I look everywhere, constantly. If students are doing something wrong, they know it and they watch me to see if I'm looking.... inevitably, I am, so they eventually get annoyed at having to watch me, and they stop. Simply by making eye contact and letting them know "yes, I see what you're doing and I don't like it," I am able to eliminate many problems.

Third, simply being more assertive. The first couple weeks I was hesitant and tentative, I think. At least that's how I viewed myself. I was scared of not knowing who was who, or who might give me a hard time. I was scared of how they would react if I was "too mean." Now, I'm perfectly comfortable calling them out and saying "Look, if you can't sit next to your friend without talking, we're gonna move your seat for today in order to help you out. Next time you can try again to follow the study hall rules." I actually got complimented by the Orchestra Director today for how well behaved my study hall was in the band room. She said it looked like I ran a "tight ship." That made me feel good.

Mostly, it feels good to have taken some suggestions that my administrator gave me, and put them into action so that next time she observes me, she will see them. I'm also glad they have solved some of my management problems. I remember when I was student teaching, Mrs. R was working on my eval and she said "Sandy, I don't really have anything more to teach you. You have done an outstanding job, and you're going to be great. The only thing I think is that you're going to have some management problems when you start off, you're going to be too lenient and not see yourself as taking charge, but you'll quickly figure it out, make the necessary changes and you will feel better." It's really nice to think back to her saying that and know she was absolutely right.

The terror of Parents' Night, and other tales

I have officially made it through one whole week "cycle." It's been slightly rough-going, but I guess that is to be expected. For the most part, things have been going well. My 10th graders are absolutely wonderful and bright. My 9th graders on the other hand... well, they're a handful to say the least. Actually, that's not a very accurate description. A handful of them are a handful.

I've been working with my difficult class to make some adjustments. We got a new seating chart, and reviewed the rules and consequences. Since that time, I've been giving official "warnings." Students know very clearly that they get two warnings before a call home or an after school detention with me. They are testing me now, and I'm being very careful to follow through on my stated discipline plan. My most difficult student, I think, is going to end up making himself be an example for all of his buddies, and that should work the problem out. Today I asked the entire class to do an exit-slip procedure to give me suggestions of what we can do to improve the class atmosphere. I did so calmly and explained that I really wanted their input and suggestions. I received a few decent ideas, and I definitely plan on implementing them in the next few days.

I had an experience today in how I read things differently than teenagers. My 10th graders read Chopin's "Story of an Hour" for homework. As a reading quiz today, I asked them one question: "What was Mrs. Mallard's reaction upon learning of her husband's death?" I thought this a simple question, easily understood simply from reading the story. When I read that story, I immediately comprehended the fact that she was immediately relieved over her newfound freedom, and passed away at the end when that was suddenly taken away by his re-appearance. I learned based on their quiz responses, that this fact was not so easily apparent to my students, though they are very bright. I could tell they did the reading based on their responses, but they didn't "get it." Which is actually a very good thing, because now I know we need to spend time talking about it, while I otherwise would've made the assumption that they did. It's obviously a difference between my more mature and lit-trained mind, and their literal ones. It was a very good learning experience for me.

Tomorrow is parents' night and of course, it's intimidating. We hear horror stories of how overbearing some of the parents in this district can be. They are very involved in their children's lives, which is a good thing... but can be a major headache for teachers when some of them get a little over-anxious. I'm getting prepped, and ready to explain the syllabus/expectations/etc.

I hope this was coherent. In an effort to quell the enormous stress, I've become addicted to junk-tv (new 90210!!) and I've been typing this as I watch. Anything that allows my mind to rest for an hour a day is becoming my sanity-saver...

Surviving

Well, my first day went really well. I was worried about not having enough material, but it turned out to be the perfect amount. I had an extra journaling idea lined up just in case, but of course we got nowhere near needing it.

Today, the second, was a little rougher. Students were giving their bag-presentations today and I found two very different reactions throughout the day. During some periods, the students were so quiet, barely talked during their presentations, or in showing interest in their classmates. Other classes were so rowdy that just getting through the presentations was a task (i.e. they took my direction to "ask each other about their items" way too seriously, and asked ridiculous and pointless questions just to be silly).

I'm going to have a big problem with one particular class of 9th graders. They are delightful and vibrant, but have no concept of being able to calm down. There are a few very strong personalities in the class, and it is 85% boys. They get so riled up, which in some instances is okay, but then trying to get them back on task is impossible. I can't even move their seats to separate them because there aren't enough girls to do so. I'm going to make an effort to harness and stop this behavior immediately, by having an individual silent activity in place for tomorrow. I can't let them get the attitude that our class is always going to be rowdy and fun, because I can already see they're driving the girls nuts. They're funny, but... just too much. I was trying to think if it was something about the way I presented myself or my rules on the first day to give these kids the wrong impression, but I did the same thing every period and the others are fine. I think this one particular class is just a different kind of group.

The other problem with today is that we completed bag-presentations much quicker than I had anticipated. Therefore, I had to come up with something to do tomorrow. I don't want anything too major because we still have a few bag-presentations/intro activities to complete, and because the next week is pretty broken up by various school things (picture day, library orientation). I think with the 9th graders I'm going to have them do a journaling activity so I can see their writing skills, and also as a way to get them into "class mode." With the 10th graders, I'm going to begin with background information on the history of America in 1850-1900, Naturalism and Jack London. We're going to read part of "To Build a Fire" in class and they will finish it over the weekend. I think that's a torturous story to start off with, but that's the curriculum... I think after reading London, I'm going to use some Stephen Crane poetry to reiterate the basic beliefs of Naturalists, but to show that not all of them have to be as dry and lengthy as London.

I feel unprepared for tomorrow. I spent most of tonight just talking with my Lit-major roommate about the topics, just to get myself thinking of things to talk about and jotting notes. I have a general idea of what I want to do, but not nearly as fleshed out as I usually do. I hope it goes well... I hate feeling so disorganized, but I can't make definite plans for anything because our schedule changes so rapidly based on interruptions, how far we get, etc. I feel like, after being such a planner, teaching day-in day-out is going to teach me how to better be flexible and sort of "go with it" in a little less anal-retentive manner...

Completely terrfied

I've been trying to bargain with time over the past two weeks, trying to get it to stop, but no such luck, tomorrow is almost here. This is so much more terrifying than the night before student teaching. At that point, I knew that I'd be spending my first week observing, but in about 9 hours, I'm going to be center stage, on the tightrope without a pole to help me balance.

My syllabi are all ready, as are my seating charts, class rules and expectations. I plan on spending tomorrow's class period handing out and going over those, handing out vocab books. The rest of the period I'm going to spend on community building stuff. First, I'm going to have students fill out inf0-cards for me with their contact information, etc. I'm also going to ask them to briefly answer two questions on their card: What do you like to read? (anything... from cereal boxes, to comic books, to newspapers, to Stephen King) and What kind of music do you like to listen to? I thought those two questions would help me to understand each student just a little bit, so that I can get a feel for what types of material each may respond to. Then after I collect the cards, I'm going to introduce our real community building activity which will be bag-presentations. Dr. Richards had us do them at the beginning of our Classroom Management semester, and I thought they were a really great way for us to get to know each other. So I am taking in 5 items in a bag that will allow me to introduce myself as a person to the students (favorite book, a souvenir from a vacation, my RENT poster, lol). This will model the process for them, and they will be asked to bring in 3-5 things for their bag presentations the following day (I anticipate it will take us two days to get through everyone, with about 2 minutes for each student). I hope this goes over well. I have doubts about their enthusiasm, but it should get the students up and speaking and listening to each other (standards based, you know!).

I'm mostly scared that I won't have enough to get us through 44 minutes and I'll have like 10 left and not know what to do. I think if that happens, I will just have them write a first journal entry. Or we can do some other name-game kind of thing. I don't know. I hope it all works without me looking too much like an idiot, or too outwardly nervous.

One thing that happened last week that I forgot to write about. On Thursday, I received notice of my students with IEP's. Instead of giving us the full length document (which we can access electronically), each learning support teacher gave each regular teacher an abbreviated sheet for each student. It lists their strengths, their weaknesses and their necessary adaptations. It's a of information when you have 10-12 students with special needs, I feel like I'm never going to remember everything I need to do for these kids. I did notice right away, however, that many of the adaptations (just like our profs told us) are simply just "good teaching" practices, things we should be in the habit of doing to help all students, not just those with adaptations. For example, one of those was, for a hearing impaired student, make sure you always repeat any questions or answers given by other students in the class so he can hear them: something easy that I really just need to get into the habit of in general. I'm still scared though that I'm not going to remember to do all these things, with so much else going on and stressing me out. Many of them had "preferential seating" as a requirement, so I had to go back and re-do all of my seating charts to make sure these kids were in the front. Just something I encountered last week that sort of threw me for a loop. Not that I wasn't expecting to have IEP's and such, but it sort of hit me amongst all the other prep-stuff that was overwhelming and it just added to the pile of panic and things to worry about.

Well, I'm off to bed for an attempted few hours of sleep. I will report back from the other end of the battlefield when it's all over...